This really resonated with me as I know how desperately difficult it was to understand the emotions when the news broke. Yes the trauma for them was far more significant - I would never deny that. We were also spinning, wondering, worrying. Some days we still do but we are now discussing a lot in the family and having read a lot, feel that we can support our child on their journey. It does get easier but you need to put a lot of effort in first, expect to get very emotional and keep working at the relationship - most of all, it is not judgemental but love that is needed.
I found these letters from FreedHearts Ministries (http://www.patheos.com/blogs/freedhearts/)
I found these letters from FreedHearts Ministries (http://www.patheos.com/blogs/freedhearts/)
James:
This is a difficult but necessary letter to write. I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past. Don’t expect any further conversations with me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house. You’ve made your choice though wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle. If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand. Have a good birthday and good life. No present exchanges will be accepted.
Goodbye.
Dad
We hope that the Dad here will be able to allow a conversation to develop in the future.
Don't let that channel of contact disappear - keep it alive!
Don't let that channel of contact disappear - keep it alive!
Nate,
I overheard your phone conversation with Mike last night about your plans to come out to me. The only thing I need you to plan is to bring home OJ and bread after class. I’ve known you were gay since you were six. I’ve loved you since you were born.
—Dad
I love that love is the key here - we have heard from a number of parents that they knew from an early age. The conversation starts here.
Son,
First thing I want you to be sure of is that we love you, always have, always will. We are proud of you. We admire the young man you’ve become. Thank you for telling us about this part of you. I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to say to your old mom and dad! You already know that homosexuality goes against our beliefs. But we are going to pray to God to help us see this from His perspective, apart from the culture and the church. I admit we are also concerned for you—mostly because this world can be cruel and we don’t want you to be hurt. Know that we will do our best to protect you. I realize you may be tempted to protect us from family and friends who disagree with homosexuality. We want you to know that you are not to concern yourself with that. That is our job as your parents. No matter what, we love you and would never do anything to hurt you.
Dad
We've been here. We initially felt that it impacted greatly against our beliefs but then we'd never really examined it in detail. Now we had to confront it, so we did. The most important aspect here is that love, unconditionally love. Keep the relationship alive and ensure that your child, if this is you, knows that they are always welcome. They may not wish to come home, but they will never be turned out, ever.
These letters really made me feel through all the emotions I have ever experienced - I have made mistakes on the way - but the best thing we did was to say 'we love you totally' - and we always will.
Follow @freedhearts (http://www.twitter.com/freedhearts) please for more great material
These letters really made me feel through all the emotions I have ever experienced - I have made mistakes on the way - but the best thing we did was to say 'we love you totally' - and we always will.
Follow @freedhearts (http://www.twitter.com/freedhearts) please for more great material