We often consider the title of a song which has means so much to us: "this would not be the road I would choose for me". Who would choose to struggle intensely with the idea that your child has 'come out', to be unable to understand what this means, unable to comprehend the terminology? Many of the parents who have come to us this year simply say that they are in meltdown, unable to know which way to turn, what to do next.
Of course it's far worse for our children. They have been mulling this over for months, possibly years. How could they say what they are feeling? They expect rejection - although statistics are difficult to substantiate this, anecdotally it is fairly common - see Albert Kennedy Trust. People's reactions are to distance themselves initially, mainly because of a lack of understanding. Why? Society repeatedly fails to really grasp what it is like for the LGBT community to live, to work, in our society of today. Yes we hear and read of the celebrities who apparently flourish but what is it like to walk down the road as a trans female and get abuse directed at you, because you are 'being yourself'? But thankfully people are still 'coming out' and being just that - themselves.
Just like @PFLAG, @OfficialFFLAG and @newroadparents we want to be there for parents, to help them gain an understanding of the language, to remain in contact with their children and support them as their journey unfolds. We want to enable them to rebuild their lives with their families.
Of course it's far worse for our children. They have been mulling this over for months, possibly years. How could they say what they are feeling? They expect rejection - although statistics are difficult to substantiate this, anecdotally it is fairly common - see Albert Kennedy Trust. People's reactions are to distance themselves initially, mainly because of a lack of understanding. Why? Society repeatedly fails to really grasp what it is like for the LGBT community to live, to work, in our society of today. Yes we hear and read of the celebrities who apparently flourish but what is it like to walk down the road as a trans female and get abuse directed at you, because you are 'being yourself'? But thankfully people are still 'coming out' and being just that - themselves.
Just like @PFLAG, @OfficialFFLAG and @newroadparents we want to be there for parents, to help them gain an understanding of the language, to remain in contact with their children and support them as their journey unfolds. We want to enable them to rebuild their lives with their families.
We have seen a number of parents come forward this year seeking support - the vast majority of them with transgender children. Is this because this causes the greatest complexities for parents?, the varying hormonal changes experienced due to the medication and the excessively long wait times to gain acceptance on the NHS 'ladder' are a real cause for concern.
The parents say that they are pleased that they are not alone. In this day of mass social media this may come as a surprise. 'We are always connected'. We may be connected but maybe not supported.
The parents say that they are pleased that they are not alone. In this day of mass social media this may come as a surprise. 'We are always connected'. We may be connected but maybe not supported.
We initially strive to welcome everyone who contacts us through this website. We hope to meet up face to face so that we can:
Lastly we meet up as a group to just be together - again social media is one thing but the face to face chats over lovely cake and coffee is something else!!
We have had some great support from @lisajonesdesign, a local artist who has provided us with so much support. These A5 sheets have been so helpful to describe what we do.
- Listen. We feel that they often have not told their story to many people (if at all). As they do so they can process the information and start to put it into some sort of order. This may take some weeks (months for us) but is a great start when confusion reigns.
- Show we care. We don't seek subscription to join this group - surely that's the last thing on anyone's mind! We want to be able to #WalkAlongsideThem. We needed such support when we started and we want to offer that to others now.
- Refer. We are not an authority for referring so perhaps signposting would be a better title. We can listen and consider, based upon our and other people's experiences , who people might like to contact or even books they could read to gain more understanding.
Lastly we meet up as a group to just be together - again social media is one thing but the face to face chats over lovely cake and coffee is something else!!
We have had some great support from @lisajonesdesign, a local artist who has provided us with so much support. These A5 sheets have been so helpful to describe what we do.
We have had the opportunity to speak at FFLAG's conference in Manchester during April, attended London's Pride March in June, held a workshop at the Street Angels national conference in Warrington in October, and supported the #InterFaith week session at the LGBT Foundation, hosted by Andrew Gilliver, in November. None of this was ever contemplated nor expected. All we seek to do is to help parents when their child comes out.
So that's us. A year on from when we started. Many parents now contact us and we are delighted that they are so supportive of each other. We have parents from Yorkshire as well as Lincolnshire with us. We have even had emails from the Bronx in New York seeking help (which we were to pinpoint their location and signpost them to the nearest PFLAG centre). Our Twitter feed is blessed with many so supportive people who show so much love.
May we thank you for supporting us this past year and wish you a very happy New Year and let's hope, pray and work for even more breakthrough's for the LGBTQ+ community in 2016.
Every blessing
Bob & Mandy
May we thank you for supporting us this past year and wish you a very happy New Year and let's hope, pray and work for even more breakthrough's for the LGBTQ+ community in 2016.
Every blessing
Bob & Mandy
"this would not be the road I would choose for me"